Speech 3 - "I Wanted to be Richard Burton." (1975)

TITLE:            I WANTED TO BE RICHARD BURTON

(Free Club Speech WRITTEN AND delivered to THE Essendon Toastmasters Club 

 on 25 November 1975 BY WARREN MALONEY)  

Mr Toastmaster,

Whilst the title suggests some misplaced egotism, I hope it also suggests some of the frustration that I have experienced in pursuit of a theatrical career.

Actually, I was forced into a theatrical career by my ancestors. The emotional pressure has been severe. You see, my paternal grandparents put together a juggling and acrobatic act known as “The Tossing Testros”. Their name was “Maloney”, but they chose “Testro” upon passing a certain factory and deciding it had the right kind of Continental flair for vaudeville jugglers.  I understand they spent a lifetime in the theatre hovering between Poverty and Royal Command performances.

A near relative was the legendary Maggie Buckley, known throughout Australasia as the “Red Hot Mama”. Her daughter and my aunt also achieved success as a singer. Whilst my uncle refers to Aunty Joan as the “Shirlene Clancy” of the Lux radio shows, she does have lasting fame for the introduction of that soul-searching evergreen – “Mares eat oats and does eat oats…….”.

Maggie Buckley and then Joan Blake – Joan’s husband, Rex, sought a stage career, and perhaps the highlight was a famous night at a live theatre in Melbourne, which then on Sunday nights, had its own version of “New Faces”.  Rex and his un-named associate designed a comedy act with Rex playing the straight man.  They were in fact to be paid for their performance that night - a treat in any comic’s career.

Let me explain an axiomatic point. In comedy, no matter what jokes are told during the act – the final joke MUST be a clincher. Rex and his associate, having glowed over their lines that afternoon, faced the live audience brazenly and reeled off their patter. Absolute silence – not even a nervous cough.

They went into their clinching final joke, but it passed without response. They had no alternative but to walk quietly off stage - there to be greeted by a furious stage manager who was not only NOT going to pay them any money but was about to dismiss them in a tirade of abuse. But Rex was ever ready – he announced, “My friend, if you are going to persist with such ignorant audiences, we will refuse to work for you ever again”.

The pressure on me mounted again with Joan’s daughter, Stacey, who was the lead in the remake of “Jesus Christ Superstar” and is a name to be remembered.

 And with my dear sister, Denise, who stole the show at the age of 5 at the West Brunswick Progress Hall with “Abbadabba Dab said the monkey to the chimp……”.

You see – I had to be Richard Burton!

My illustrious and frustrating career started at the age of 9 years. Our enterprising teacher, Mrs Box, arranged at the annual speech night for a brilliant class performance of ROBIN HOOD.

Can you imagine the sight at the Brunswick Town Hall of 40 darlings chorusing “Robin Hood, Robin Hood, riding through the glen …….”, whilst the lead characters entered stage left, or right? For some reason unbeknown to me, I was given the part of Friar Tuck. You may smirk, but I was runner-up to the part of Maid Marion.

The Friar Tuck part did require extensive costuming in monk’s robes. But finances were tight, and I was decked out in a dressing gown. The problem was that the ignorant audience misjudged my appearance and thought I had wandered out of bedtime onto the stage.

The following year, I had a chance to reach the heights, but I was rejected, for reasons of build, from being the summit of the human pyramid. I have great sympathy for Jackie Gleeson.

Perhaps the greatest moment of my career came in Matric when I produced, directed and played the lead role in a Jewish tragedy before the Catholic Drama Festival. My role was of an old Jewish tailor, Maurie, who meets the ghost of his old friend, Leon. There was no scenery. Impact was through spotlights.

My big speech was a soliloquy immediately after the death of Leon. Imagine the opportunity. Pure Burton. The problem was that Adrian Ryan, who played Leon, after performing a beautiful touching death roll, panicked because the lights did not go off, and Adrian ran off the stage; I found it impossible to change the audience’s laughter to tears.

It has been frustrating.

I must in conclusion, although everyone does, paraphrase Shakespeare’s lines –

“All the world’s a stage, “but I am only a single floorboard.


Karen & Warren Maloney - 1975

 


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