Short Story 7 - "The King of Labradors" - Toby Jug (1974-1976)

 “THE KING OF LABRADORS”

(Written by Warren Maloney – November 2015)

Karen & Toby Jug 1976

 Male Royalty is always imagined to be strong, handsome, beautifully coiffured, and clothed, imperious in nature, condescending in outlook, remote from the common subjects and distinctly without peer.

So, it was with Toby Jug[1] – the undoubted King of the Labradors!

He was beautiful and in that totally controlled way, he knew as early as 8 weeks old that he would be required for portraits alongside his Humans. The dog secret was to keep your head very still, adjust those eye brows and ignore all but the camera. The Humans, of course, could do what they wanted so long as they looked loving and subservient.

You may feel that all of this is an exaggeration as “Is it not true that Labradors just want to be everyone’s best friend?” Well yes, Labradors do unless you are Toby and require that Humans adjust rather than lead.

Not for this determined Ruler was there to be the boredom of park training sessions or the romp afterwards with mates. No, Courtier Warren noticed on the first attempt that the tactic of a couple of deep, deep woofs quickly brought the other breeds to attention and gave Toby pride of place at the head of the walking parade. If a vague poodle or a pushy terrier attempted to get out of line, Toby, ignoring any yelled instructions or whistles to the contrary, would simply stop the parade, turn back to the offenders, issue a commanding bark, wait a few seconds, then continue with the parade.

Of course, later Maloney Labradors would become very excited when the Humans had Visitors arrive for drinks or dinner. Play time, pat time, nibbles time, reclining on their feet time – find the Visitor who is “not sure” with dogs and sit at their feet, staring adorably at them for minutes on end, until their hands reached down and began the pats or the exchanges of table morsels. Labrador mothers had instructed them to do these manoeuvres before they were adopted – and after that practice made perfect for the Labrador tradition.

The King had other methods. Firstly, he would go to the front bay window, move the curtains aside and watch the visitors’ approach.  This appearance at the high front-window certainly alerted any Visitor to the two important facts – firstly that the King was at home, and secondly that the Visitor’s presence was being noted.

Toby Jug 1976

Toby Jug would then move to the centre of the dining area to better receive the Visitors’ gifts and pats. If all was to his satisfaction (he did delight in wrapped presents that needed his immediate opening), then the Humans and the Visitors were allowed to proceed with their festivities.

Unless – yes, unless it was the appointed hour and then it was clear that the King must be fed first. And fed well! He was a big growing boy! And no tomatoes thank you!

Now at this stage you are saying to yourself – “Ridiculous …… he is a dog ……. it is a matter of taking control”.

 Oh, Toby Jug did so much like “the taking control Visitors”. – the ones who freely advised the Humans on methods of training, on use of loud, deep, consistent dog commands, of skills of which they had read or had learnt from dear Aunty ……….

 Toby dealt with such advisers in a myriad of unanticipated games.

Perhaps his favourite was to wait until the knowledgeable visitor went to the outside loo – the only toilet in this 1920s timber house.

Toby would prance alongside in a friendly manner as if politely escorting them, protecting them from worries. The King would wait a few moments until all was settled – then with a run down from the higher sloped yard he would hurl himself against the toilet door and whilst the shocked sedentary incumbent was drawing breath, the King would grab the end of the toilet roll and rush back up the slope displaying a long white trail behind him.

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No one knew how or why this game was royally devised but the outcome, apart from immediate shrieks and later re-rolling of paper, did mean that certain all-knowing Visitors felt that their visits would need to be shorter and certainly more respectful.

Toby Jug & Warren 1976

Sadly, the King was mistakenly poisoned by a demented elderly neighbour just after Toby’s second birthday.

It was a short life but a Regal one that is remembered by many. Stories were told, special foods were delivered, poems were written and homage toys were presented.

 Five Labradors have succeeded Toby Jug over the next 40 years – each having a distinctive and lovingly wonderful personality – but there was only one King.

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[1] Toby Jug, (1974 – 1976), the 2^nd of the Labradors owned by Warren & Karen Maloney